The stories you’ve all been waiting to hear.

Or not. In my mind, I’ve been thinking about all the interesting things I could be posting, but instead I’m going to be ultra-lazy and paste a few things that I just wrote in my personal journal. See, I’ve been debating about blogging about this, since I don’t normally blog about my dating life, but once again, I think it’s ok to blog about the bad stuff, because those are normally the stories you tell at parties anyway, and everyone cracks up. Many of you have probably already heard me tell these stories, but you can read them again for your own enjoyment. I promise I have more insightful posts ahead of me, as I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past month.

So . . . I’ve been trying out online dating. Oh, the shame! Not really. At first, I was embarassed beyond all belief that I was doing this, but I’ve found that several people I know here in Seattle have tried it out at one point or another. Screw Fate. Sometimes Fate needs a push. I’ve been on M*tch.com (I’m not typing the real name here out of paranoia for people Google-ing it and coming to my blog….although the chances of that are slim to none) since Thanksgiving. And I’ve been overwhelmed with how time-consuming the whole process is. It truly is, what with all the “winks” and e-mails and phone calls and last-minute coffee meet-ups. It’s like a job. Hell, it is a job. It’s eerily similar to the official job I’m doing with the UW Office of Admissions (reading and evaluating the applications for the incoming freshman undergraduate class for 2006). I’m reading applications/profiles in my dreams when I sleep.

There have been a fair number of men afflicted with “yellow fever” who have e-mailed me, which I find both laughable and annoying. I’ve gotten to the point where if I’m interested in somone (NOT those with the fetish–one guy wrote to me, “I loooooooove Asian women”), I’ll give them my phone number and then try to evaluate them over the phone first. That’s a good screen, b/c there were a couple that seemed promising and then were complete disasters by phone.

Here’s a sampling of the few that I’ve met in person thus far (I hope the following doesn’t offend anyone out there–this is one of the few times I’ve blogged pretty much uncensored):

BACHELOR #1—This was Richard, the Japanese-American, 35-year-old dentist that I’d pretty much told over Match-mail that we wouldn’t work out. He claimed I was stereotyping him as the nerdy Asian male, so of course I felt guilty. I was reluctant to meet him, but I decided a free dinner at Siam Thai—the restaurant across the street from where I live–(laziness, thy name is Sarah) was too good to pass up.
He got lost en route to the restaurant, which kind of irritated me. Because I had to hand the phone to the guy behind the hostess stand, and Richard couldn’t understand his directions. So both the restaurant guy and myself were annoyed at him. He finally showed up, and he started to say, “Oh, nice to meet….” But I was embarrassed at the fact that someone else was sitting next to me in the waiting area, and I didn’t want to broadcast the fact that we were on a blind date.
So my intuition about him was spot-on. Overly formal and stiff, with very little charisma. At all. At one point, we had the following exchange:
Me: “You seem very……even. Like you don’t get easily excited.”
Him: “Oh, I think it’s because of my job. As a dentist, you kind of have to show little reaction to what people say. So I’m kind of….”
Me: “Unexpressive?”
Him: “Yes.”
Needless to say, that pretty much killed it. In person, he appeared very pale with unusually red lips, a characteristic I find overly feminine. Even though I pretty much made it clear I wasn’t interested during the course of dinner, he still ended the evening with, “Well, I’d still like it if we e-mailed each other.” Uh, no thanks, Mr. No Personality.

BACHELOR #2—Yet another Japanese-American, this time Steve N. MBA from Seattle University. Man, these life-long Seattle residents are DULL. I was intrigued initially because he said he’d recently gotten back from a trip to Japan/Korea. When talking to him on the phone, however, I’d gotten the sense that he was kind of bland/boring. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, however, since a lot of guys dislike talking on the phone, right? So maybe he would be more scintillating in person? He talked about going to Kanye’s concert, so at least he has good taste?? And he likes basketball? [But again, who doesn’t like those things??]
Nope.
Nothing really sticks out, other than that he said he doesn’t have many Asian friends, and he is kind of “blissfully ignorant” when it comes to current events (meaning, he doesn’t read the newspaper, etc.). Good lord. Kind of the wrong thing to say to me, at this point in my life. There was nothing about him that spoke of any kind of passion or zest for living. However, there was nothing really outright offensive about him, so I decided that a 2nd date couldn’t hurt anything…….
**Update—he sent me a “Merry X-mas” e-mail while I was in KC, so I e-mailed him when I returned to Seattle…..only to discover that he’d started “seeing someone” around the time that we first met. It was the polite brush-off (he didn’t think it was fair to either one of us, blah blah blah we could always be friends). I felt rejected, but I quickly got over it, since I wasn’t overly enthusiastic about him to begin with. I think I might have scared him off when I started raging at A.H. over the phone….but that’s another story.

BACHELOR #3—This was the funniest one by far. Funny meaning sad/repulsive. I can’t remember this guy’s name right now, but I do remember that he mentioned over e-mail that he was a big USC fan. Was he ever. He came to lunch decked out in head-to-toe USC. We’re talking sweartshirt, sweatpants, and ratty 6-year-old jacket. This is the guy who was a fitness instructor with a heavy accent, although he’s an ABC (American-born Chinese). Talk about stiff! He made Bachelor #1 look like the ultimate schmooze. #3 admitted that he was 29 and had never had a girlfriend. Now, being a late bloomer myself, I can see how that’s possible…..but it still didn’t excite me. I began to wonder, “Has this man ever had sex?” And I also thought, “Even if he has had sex, I’m sure if we had sex, it would be terrible . . . “ Then, he went on to say how he’s planning on applying for graduate school….in Egypt. Ok!! This guy also doesn’t drink alcohol at all…..and I think he said he’s a Libertarian. Oh, wait, that was Richard. Anyway, I was really turned off by his whole demeanor and what he had to say, and I pretty much made it clear as gently as I knew how, but apparently it didn’t work. Because he ended up leaving the restaurant before I was finished eating! Granted, we arrived separately, and it was a walk-up for ordering, but still! I felt he was being kind of rude, but then I remembered that I’d pretty much told him there was no chance in hell, so I figured he must’ve not wanted to waste his time. Which I can understand. **Oh yes, now I remember. This guy wasn’t a Libertarian, but he said he was pro-life, and he didn’t support gay marriage. Obviously, we were NOT a Match (pun intended) made in heaven.

I met yet another Bachelor (couldn’t I just host my own version of The Bachelorette and meet all of these guys at the same time?), #4, this Sunday. He was nice, definitely an improvement over the others. But . . . after brunch, he wanted to still hang out, so we went to a coffee shop. I asked if it was OK if I went through some materials I had to get through for Monday, and he said sure. So while he was getting his coffee, I grabbed a copy of The New York Times for him to peruse. But he didn’t read it at all. Didn’t even touch it. He just sat there, sipping his coffee, watching me work, occasionally talking. And he didn’t understand why I’d grabbed The New York Times in lieu of the local paper. Ahhhhh . . . I should read more local news, I admit, but still . . . .

Just spoke to someone on the phone tonight . . . he sounds promising. Oh, lord. Perhaps I’m like Jerry Seinfeld, (or worse, George Costanza) finding nit-picky little faults in people as an excuse for being alone.

Whatever. When it’s right, you know it’s right.

Or do you? Oh, I’m not in a hurry to find out……. Please comment away! As long as it’s not cliches! (There’s so many fish in the sea……the good ones come when you’re not looking…….etc. etc. etc.)

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10 Comments

Filed under Updates

10 responses to “The stories you’ve all been waiting to hear.

  1. oh sarah! but there ARE plenty of fish out in the sea and you’ll find that fish when you’re not looking – heh heh heh. just playing 🙂

    i love your writing. you’re hilarious. i think that you need to give yourself a break. who wouldn’t want to date you? c’mon, woman.

    anyway, too tired to comment intelligently. aside from that, i love the entry!

  2. Anonymous

    I’m sure most of these guys are good people in their own way, just not good matches for you. I’m a firm believer that there are several somones for everyone. I wouldn’t worry too much about being nitpicky–this is the kind of thing you should be picky about. And trial and error is one of the best ways to figure out what compromises you’re willing to make in exchange for some of the really big issues. I’d say cut #4 some slack and give it another go, and forget about the rest of them. Good luck with it! –LB

  3. Anonymous

    And make that “someones” instead of “somones.” And forget about the fact that I work with words for a living…

  4. I say be merciless! If you get a negative feeling about a guy for whatever reason, it’s your instincts telling you something. As one who has played the online dating game to varying degrees of success, I have no regrets about cutting the duds loose right away. You DO know when it’s right, and it’s not when you’re mulling over whether or not you’re bored by the person sitting across the table from you. The great thing about online dating is that it is your personal screening process. But I do know the feeling — when it feels like you’re working a whole separate job trying to weed through all the Mr. Wrongs, and all you’re finding is Mr. Not-Quite-Right.

    The funny part is, if I’d searched for my husband on a dating site, we probably wouldn’t have met (and we met in person, at a nightclub of all places…), as he was a smoker when I first met him (quit soon thereafter), and we don’t belong to the same political party (although we share many of the same political convictions). Two characteristic differences I had eliminated while searching for eligible bachelors.

  5. Kat

    So good to see you blogging again–and what a post! And since you asked for people to weigh in…I must admit my experience is incredibly unique (read: pathetic?). As you know, or do you?, when I met The Banker I was close-to-repulsed. =-)

    But people can grow on you. I think you can go with the initial gut reaction of whether they’re a *good* person, but have patience with quirks. Given time, you can even grow to love those annoyances. Or you can continue to grit your teeth but realize that the compromise is worth it! After all, that’s part of what a relationship is–Mutual acceptance of each other’s imperfections.

    (But that comes from a gal who came from a home with two different religions AND political parties.)

  6. Tess

    Oh my gosh.. that USC fan totally reminds me of my sister’s boyfriend. (Except for the fact that he’s a Coug.) He sat in my backseat on saturday afternoon belting the cougar fight song along with the alum fight song. I guess when he goes to games, he’s decked out in crimson and gold. Don’t worry, things will come around. You will find someone when you least expect it.

  7. That was ridiculously hysterical. Nothing can assuage one’s own romantic turbulence like that of someone else. I laughed (at the bachelors). If you were a member of Rice Bowl Journals, I’d bookmark your blog in less time than it took you to give Dentist Boy the failing grade. Which was pretty damn quick.

  8. i remember my ex said she was on m*tch.com…too bad it was when we were together (the bitch!) but i have to agree, don’t go searching for it…it’ll come along. but as long as you are doing it, i say just have fun with it and more free eats…what can be better. maybe you might have an interesting conversation over some yummy food.

    kayne and b-ball…yech

  9. sarah:
    loved reading your uncensored post today. loved it. you really know how to write in a way that i can read and get your sense of humour. regarding the topic at hand…well…i’m just gonna repeat back to you what you wrote:

    when it’s right, you know it’s right.

    that was my experience anyway.
    ~kya

  10. WOW!!!! Oh MY!!!! What a Post!!! I am so proud of you !!!–>

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