First of all–a big CONGRATULATIONS goes out to both R. in San Diego (you have a beautiful, adorable baby girl, just like her mama!) and S.T. (wow!!! Looks like a year from now, Sam, K.Mio, and I will be kickin’ it in the Philippines at your wedding.). It was an exciting weekend for my friends with life-changing events. Our late twenties . . . a non-stop parade of engagements, weddings, and now babies. A friend of mine at the Evans School also got engaged over spring break, and then there’s the upcoming Omaha nuptials (and I also continue to be in the loop for J.G.’s wedding, although I’m not attending–haha, Kat, the way you described last weekend’s bridal shower was exactly what my mom said. I agree, showers must have alcohol for the sane marrieds and singletons in attendance). As I was telling Ji-in, I really do f*cking love weddings. Even though I can’t help but feel like a kid/spinster as I watch all of my friends ride off into the sunset.
I had a wonderful Friday night, followed by a low-key rest-of-the-weekend. On Friday, I met up with S.M., former AmeriCorps teammate (and new reader of this blog? eh? ‘s ok, I have other “non-comment-leavers” who read this. 😀 ). We had a great time catching up over oysters at happy hour in Belltown, and then we made our way over to Wallingford to meet up with the Evans pub crawl. While my classmates finished up their late dinners, S.M. and I took over the Japanese bakery across the street and discussed various things, including the merits of blogging. 😉 We later joined my happily tipsy classmates at Leny’s, a true dive (although blessedly smoke-free!). Much to the chagrin of the bar patrons, I ordered some salt-and-vinegar french fries (who knew vinegar could smell so rank?). But seriously, folks, all the best foods stink. Hmmm, I’m reading this now, and it sounds like all we did was eat. Keep in mind this was over an 8-hour period!
This afternoon, I visited one of the Asian American Studies professors here at the UW. Although the UW doesn’t offer an M.A. program in APA studies, I wanted to talk to her to hear what her opinion was about me possibly going to UCLA to get such a degree. Of course, she said it would be a good idea and felt that my Evans advisor was being short-sighted. We chatted for over an hour, and she was quite gracious in inviting me to sit in on some of her classes. She also recommended some texts for me to read (someday! When I have all that free time, right.). I gave her my contact information (mental note–get business cards), because she said that she might have some students who would be interested in the upcoming adoptee mini-gathering we’re hosting. Talking with her was illuminating, but I still feel murky as to what my next move ought to be. It could be due to the crappy weather we’re having of late . . . . and also–
I’m not getting the fellowship money I’d been hoping for this summer. 😦 There’s still a chance that I can be funded for next school year, but this summer is out. Which means there is no way in hell that I can afford to stay in my current living situation (can’t pay the rent while I’m away in Korea). Talked about it with my roommate tonight. So I’ll be staying here until the end of spring quarter, most likely put my things in storage or at friends’ houses for the summer, and then . . . start all over again in September.
I am getting weary of doing this. I have not physically lived in the same spot for more than 12 months since…..well, if I’m including the moving in college……1996. If I’m just talking about city-city moving–then the last time I stayed in the same area was college (although I went home every summer). So 2001-now = constant upheaval. It sounds like I’m whining. I don’t mean to . . . . Each move has opened my eyes to new people and experiences that have made my life richer. But the process of packing up and moving on is losing its luster. But then there are times when I feel the itch to go, and I think to myself, “I can do this again….” Will I be California-bound in a little over a year?
I know that figuring out what I truly want will require quieting down and listening to myself. It has always been too easy for me to listen to what other people think I should do. Too easy to keep myself busy and not stop to ask, “Do you really want this?” I think I’ve gotten better at that over the past few years. At this point, I think it may just be in my nature to be continually looking for something (“seeker soul” and all that, heh). If only I can channel this curiosity into ways that are less of a drain upon my bank account. (I would probably be in better shape financially for the upcoming summer if I didn’t do things like allowing myself get suckered into buying $38 body lotions at L’Occitane.)
Jae Ran–I must thank you for steering us towards that “Chinese Baby” video. So you stayed at KoRoot during the ’04 Gathering? I was at the Sofitel during the actual Gathering, although I came to KoRoot immediately thereafter. I distinctly remember one afternoon, sitting around the dining table at KoRoot, talking to some Minnesota adoptees to inquire about the dating reputation of another certain Minnesota-raised Korean adoptee (A.H.–to close readers of this blog, this is NOT the same “A.H.” who was my language partner this year at the UW. This A.H. has a last name that rhymes with “feberlin” [although that’s not really a word]. The “A” stands for asshole. He ended up moving to Korea after the Gathering, we lived together briefly, and then he tore my heart out and summarily stomped all over it. And now I hear he’s been a baby’s daddy all along…..has some 2-year-old kid back in Minnesota [he still lives in Korea and now has a Korean-Korean girlfriend] that he NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT! Sorry for the digression). Anyway, if you were one of those ladies, then I probably did meet you! Don’t worry, if that was indeed you, I don’t hold anyone responsible for the disaster that was my relationship with A.H. He kept many things hidden, so no one could’ve predicted what ended up happening. Regardless, I’m glad we’ve re-met again in the blogosphere. I’ll try to find a way that we can exchange e-mails anonymously (I, too, would love to dialogue more with you about the work we’re both doing. Have you considered coming to Seattle for the mini? wink-wink).