Changes coming soon

First of all–a big CONGRATULATIONS goes out to both R. in San Diego (you have a beautiful, adorable baby girl, just like her mama!) and S.T. (wow!!! Looks like a year from now, Sam, K.Mio, and I will be kickin’ it in the Philippines at your wedding.). It was an exciting weekend for my friends with life-changing events. Our late twenties . . . a non-stop parade of engagements, weddings, and now babies. A friend of mine at the Evans School also got engaged over spring break, and then there’s the upcoming Omaha nuptials (and I also continue to be in the loop for J.G.’s wedding, although I’m not attending–haha, Kat, the way you described last weekend’s bridal shower was exactly what my mom said. I agree, showers must have alcohol for the sane marrieds and singletons in attendance). As I was telling Ji-in, I really do f*cking love weddings. Even though I can’t help but feel like a kid/spinster as I watch all of my friends ride off into the sunset.

I had a wonderful Friday night, followed by a low-key rest-of-the-weekend. On Friday, I met up with S.M., former AmeriCorps teammate (and new reader of this blog? eh? ‘s ok, I have other “non-comment-leavers” who read this. πŸ˜€ ). We had a great time catching up over oysters at happy hour in Belltown, and then we made our way over to Wallingford to meet up with the Evans pub crawl. While my classmates finished up their late dinners, S.M. and I took over the Japanese bakery across the street and discussed various things, including the merits of blogging. πŸ˜‰ We later joined my happily tipsy classmates at Leny’s, a true dive (although blessedly smoke-free!). Much to the chagrin of the bar patrons, I ordered some salt-and-vinegar french fries (who knew vinegar could smell so rank?). But seriously, folks, all the best foods stink. Hmmm, I’m reading this now, and it sounds like all we did was eat. Keep in mind this was over an 8-hour period!

This afternoon, I visited one of the Asian American Studies professors here at the UW. Although the UW doesn’t offer an M.A. program in APA studies, I wanted to talk to her to hear what her opinion was about me possibly going to UCLA to get such a degree. Of course, she said it would be a good idea and felt that my Evans advisor was being short-sighted. We chatted for over an hour, and she was quite gracious in inviting me to sit in on some of her classes. She also recommended some texts for me to read (someday! When I have all that free time, right.). I gave her my contact information (mental note–get business cards), because she said that she might have some students who would be interested in the upcoming adoptee mini-gathering we’re hosting. Talking with her was illuminating, but I still feel murky as to what my next move ought to be. It could be due to the crappy weather we’re having of late . . . . and also–

I’m not getting the fellowship money I’d been hoping for this summer. 😦 There’s still a chance that I can be funded for next school year, but this summer is out. Which means there is no way in hell that I can afford to stay in my current living situation (can’t pay the rent while I’m away in Korea). Talked about it with my roommate tonight. So I’ll be staying here until the end of spring quarter, most likely put my things in storage or at friends’ houses for the summer, and then . . . start all over again in September.

I am getting weary of doing this. I have not physically lived in the same spot for more than 12 months since…..well, if I’m including the moving in college……1996. If I’m just talking about city-city moving–then the last time I stayed in the same area was college (although I went home every summer). So 2001-now = constant upheaval. It sounds like I’m whining. I don’t mean to . . . . Each move has opened my eyes to new people and experiences that have made my life richer. But the process of packing up and moving on is losing its luster. But then there are times when I feel the itch to go, and I think to myself, “I can do this again….” Will I be California-bound in a little over a year?

I know that figuring out what I truly want will require quieting down and listening to myself. It has always been too easy for me to listen to what other people think I should do. Too easy to keep myself busy and not stop to ask, “Do you really want this?” I think I’ve gotten better at that over the past few years. At this point, I think it may just be in my nature to be continually looking for something (“seeker soul” and all that, heh). If only I can channel this curiosity into ways that are less of a drain upon my bank account. (I would probably be in better shape financially for the upcoming summer if I didn’t do things like allowing myself get suckered into buying $38 body lotions at L’Occitane.)

Jae Ran–I must thank you for steering us towards that “Chinese Baby” video. So you stayed at KoRoot during the ’04 Gathering? I was at the Sofitel during the actual Gathering, although I came to KoRoot immediately thereafter. I distinctly remember one afternoon, sitting around the dining table at KoRoot, talking to some Minnesota adoptees to inquire about the dating reputation of another certain Minnesota-raised Korean adoptee (A.H.–to close readers of this blog, this is NOT the same “A.H.” who was my language partner this year at the UW. This A.H. has a last name that rhymes with “feberlin” [although that’s not really a word]. The “A” stands for asshole. He ended up moving to Korea after the Gathering, we lived together briefly, and then he tore my heart out and summarily stomped all over it. And now I hear he’s been a baby’s daddy all along…..has some 2-year-old kid back in Minnesota [he still lives in Korea and now has a Korean-Korean girlfriend] that he NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT! Sorry for the digression). Anyway, if you were one of those ladies, then I probably did meet you! Don’t worry, if that was indeed you, I don’t hold anyone responsible for the disaster that was my relationship with A.H. He kept many things hidden, so no one could’ve predicted what ended up happening. Regardless, I’m glad we’ve re-met again in the blogosphere. I’ll try to find a way that we can exchange e-mails anonymously (I, too, would love to dialogue more with you about the work we’re both doing. Have you considered coming to Seattle for the mini? wink-wink).



Filed under Updates

8 responses to “Changes coming soon

  1. I’ve breezed in from TTR and have been following your blog for a while. I must sat that I admire you for going after your dreams at full throttle. How many people out there are the kinds who’ve never wasted a second of their lives?
    And I know what you mean about the constant moving. My stomach turns every time I think about moving, I used to have to pack up and go every 6-18 months for nearly 12 years. I’m glad for the stability I have now but I do miss that freedom of mobility.

    You’re right, all the good nibblies reek. The stinkier, the more shareable they are. πŸ™‚ And what kinds of pastries do they have in a Japanese bakery?

  2. Omg, j’adore L’Occitane! Their handcream is thusfar unmatched.

    I feel weird about all my friends getting married and having kids. I mean, not weird in a bad way, but weird in disbelief that I’m actually already at that point in my life. I, too, have had a rather nomadic lifestyle… though I’m not sure that I’m ready to give that up yet. Maybe it’s because I have a restless spirit. Maybe it’s because I’m eager to see as much of this diverse planet as possible, after having spent most of my pre-collegiate days in rural, white, bigoted Northern Maine.

    …. Or maybe it’s because I have a bad case of Peter Pan Syndrome. God, I hope that’s not it. I hope that I’m maturing, and that my peripatetic impulses means that I am simply unwilling to settle for less than I need/want/deserve.

    I think it’s exciting that you want to move to Cali. I truly admire your loyalty to your convictions and passions. How do you think your perspective has changed as you’ve entered your late-20’s? Do you feel more or less idealistic? Has the Asian pragmatism ever made you question the choices you’ve made, or are going to make?

  3. ha ha ha ha ha! yes, i was one of those talking about you know who, or as we called him, handy a—. Sorry about what happened.

    i’d love to make it for the mini-mini, and i haven’t been to one in a long time. i attended several of the first ones, and partly the reason for the first ever in chicago, oh so many years ago in 2000! time flies!

    we must chat more about our profession. I am always interested in what other kads who work in social work or adoption policy have to say/think. most of the ones i’ve talked to so far have far more – shall we say, moderate – politics.

  4. ps. when I was in Korea, i still had my “american” name. I legally changed it a few months after the ’04 gathering. i guess old dogs can learn new tricks after all.

  5. Sarah M

    i had a good evening too…
    didn’t find the keys though..bummer.

    thanks for sharing your blog with me, and look forward to future entries.

    S.T. is getting married? is this who i think it is? if so, that is wonderful. please extend my congrats to her.

  6. **Last night, I had a stressful evening of sleep, as I had the same anxiety-ridden dream all night: endlessly packing/unpacking and then riding on a hot bus to an unknown destination. With my parents hovering over me the entire time!!!


    Jaye–Hi, there! I’ve looked at your blog a few times, too, and I have another friend who also recently started a food blog, so I directed her towards yours. The name of the place we went to was Hiroki ( Their website gives an idea of what they offer. I love their stuff because while it’s delicious and flavorful, it’s not too rich and their portions are manageable sizes. I was too poor to be much of a foodie while I was living in Boston, but I still rave about the sandwiches at Darwin’s in Cambridge Square as well as the little Italian restaurants in the North End. Eating Italian food in Seattle seems laughable in comparison (although you should come out here for the salmon).

    malu–Oh, I hear you, girl! (esp. re: L’Occitane hand cream–it is bomb-ass) I’ve had all of those thoughts myself, too. That perhaps I’m moving so much in reaction to growing up in rural, white, bigoted Missouri/Kansas. I’ve also been throwing the Peter Pan metaphor around the past few months. When I went home this past Christmas, I read through some old journals, and I sounded so terrified about the future. I definitely still worry about what will come, but it doesn’t paralyze me the way it used to. The good thing about having more life experiences is that I feel like I know things will work out for the best somehow as long as I trust myself. You pose an interesting question…I think I may be more idealistic now that I’m older. Nah, scratch that. I’m more of a realistic optimist. Realistic in the sense that I grasp reality better, and optimistic in the sense that there are few “wrong” decisions, just different paths we take. My whole life, I’ve been shaking off the (non-Asian) pragmatism my parents shoved down my throat (and I’ve also felt the pressures of what society expects from me as a “smart” Asian-American–hello/goodbye, med school). I think lately I’ve been more prone to be pragmatic in my love life rather than career choices . . . Let’s continue this dialogue: why don’t you drop me your e-mail in a comment? I won’t publish it.

    Jae Ran–Hahahaha, so that WAS you!! It’s a small world after all. Heh. I will drop you an e-mail soon….

    Sarah M.–Yes, indeed, it is “our” S.T.!!! I knew when I saw her last week that an engagement was imminent, I just didn’t think it would happen so soon! I’ll pass on your good wishes.

  7. You and both of my elder sisters have me scared out of my wits at the prospect of having to start the exhausting vagabond lifestyle in a few months. Is it that bad? Change is supposed to be refreshing, but the hassle of paperwork and physically moving my worldly possessions seems increasingly daunting. Looking back on your twenties (okay. the first half of your twenties, you still have lots left.), are you more or less regretless about your moves? Are you excited at the possibility of being LA-bound? …San Francisco’s on your way.

    Btw, I don’t know anything about lotions over $5, unless it’s a gargantuan tub of it–but… I bought my mom a lavender product of some sort from L’Occitane a couple years ago, so maybe I have the intrinsic knowledge.

  8. After eight years of living in a new place every 12 months or so, once 9 different places in a 6 month span, I too feel good to be in one place for a while. A few years in the “mini”-apple will be good.

    By the way, stinky food rocks (just had kimchi yesterday)!–>

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